Sunday, August 7, 2011

Getting Heavy

I had a conversation about this last night at one of my mom's nights out. I said that I don't feel comfortable getting too personal on my blog, because anyone could read it. That said, I have something a bit personal to say.

I'm struggling. I'm stuggling as a mum of 2, as a wife, and as myself. I feel torn into 4 pieces a lot of the time. I really have no time to even think of doing something for myself anymore. Not only can I not take care of myself, I can't take care of my husband. My girls have run me into the ground, so to speak.

This move has really taken a toll on me. I'm sick and tired of looking at this mess of boxes and random stuff laying around that has a place, but has yet to be put there. It's a huge task even with 2 of us home to get anything done. Alex is a very very clingy baby. She doesn't like to be left alone. Olivia is a normal 2.5 year old, who wants/need attention and wants you to play with her. Along with the added potty-goings, we look at what we did during the day and it looks like nothing has gotten done.

By the time both girls are fed, bathed, jamm-ied, and put to bed, I'm plum exhausted. I don't want to look at a freaking box. I don't want to talk. I just want to sit on the couch and look at the wall and enjoy the silence. No screaming baby. No toddler asking the same question over and over and over again.

I'm tired. Sometimes, I just want to cry because I don't think I'm cut out to be a mother. I lose my patience on a daily basis. I find refuge in going to work for those 5 hours or even going across the street to the store.

My only hope is that this will eventually get easier. I'm afriad I'll be one of those mothers that take the keys to go to the store and never come back home because they'll loose their mind if they had to stay another minute.

I'm writing this because I need your support. Please tell me this does get better. I need something to hold on to, because I'm lost.

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