As I posted earlier, I'm having a hard time being a *mostly* stay at home mum, being a good wife, and being myself. I struggle on a daily basis and I find myself screaming at either the kids, Russ, or at just an object that happens to piss me off at the moment. It's terrible.
Russ and I sat down and talked about it and both agreed its not a healthy thing for the girls to see me angry and upset all the time. Especially Olivia, who is picking up on these things. I've been on medication before. The last time I was on anything was after I had Olivia and I had a mild case of PPD. I was able to get through that and move on. Most of my problem is anxiety. I get so worked up, and when it explodes, I have a major panic attack. Thankfully, medication has helped in the past, and I called my doctor (OB) and got a prescription. She said I do have to follow up with my PCP to get it on a regular basis. So, I have an appointment later this week. I did start taking it over the weekend, so I'm on the road to feeling better.
I need to get mentally healthy for my girls and for my husband. I cannot take my aggravations out on them. I definitely don't want to send those kind of messages to Olivia. I can see her get frustrated with something and she'll flip out like I do. It's terrible, and I've been trying to help her find different ways to solve things other than getting mad and throwing her toy or whatever she's working on. Hopefully, my actions haven't left a permanent mark on her little mind.